No, I am not an accountant – at least not in the formal sense. Although, come to think of it, I do account for a lot. … Rather, when I refer to myself as “CFO”, I am invoking my exulted title of “Chief Family Officer”. And, yes, a perk of being in the C-Suite is the fact that the job comes complete with having my own en suite bathroom. It’s a good thing too, because I spend a lot of time in there with the lights off just hiding – when the kids let me, that is.

So what exactly does a Chief Family Officer do? The job description varies widely depending on to which family you have been assigned, but in general the responsibilities consist of three primary areas of concentration:

1. Working with the former CFOs to optimize their well-being in retirement;
2. Working with the future CFOs to facilitate their learning and development;
3. Maintaining financial responsibility by doing my paying job (revenue) and running the household (expenses). It’s a not-for-profit enterprise and in a good year we break even.

Optimizing the former CFOs well-being in retirement can take many forms. This may involve making medical appointments, duelling with the homecare agency or insurance companies, providing tech support when the ancient computer or prehistoric TV don’t work, or coordinating the renovation of a bathroom to make it more accessible. Or it could be as simple (and difficult) as getting one’s mother on her feet so that she walks a bit after hours of sitting complacently in her big comfy chair. The real challenge in dealing with the former CFOs, however, is that they may not yet realize that they have been “forced into retirement” from the family firm and that new management is now in control. Power struggles can ensue, and the work environment can at times become a bit toxic. That’s where the real skill set of the current CFO comes in – convincing the older generation to want the things that are so self-evidently good for them and persuading them to think it was their idea in the first place. 

Facilitating the development of the CFOs-in-training also involves a continuum of diverse activities. In this case, it can be cleaning up vomit at 3 AM, setting up afterschool activities, balancing the use of tech against the time spent on homework, or forcing the kids to follow personal hygiene routines. As the children grow up, the job description changes from physical care to more of a mentoring role. The mental demands of the job increase exponentially, and a key performance indicator is how quickly the parent can anticipate a crisis or think on his/her feet when presented with a novel situation. Qualifications for parenting teenagers should include change management training. Delegation is also a good skill to have.

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments of great reward that come with this job. For example, a good week is when no one has to make an unplanned hospital visit. Or when the kids receive their next badge in swimming or bring home an exceptionally good mark on a test. A much-appreciated bonus is a night of uninterrupted sleep. And the best weeks are when no one has to go to work or school and the whole family can simply hang out together.

As for how one lands this job, you do not need to formally study or train for it, although perhaps the “School of Hard Knocks” is as close as you will come to preparing for this daunting role. Being middle-aged can be advantageous too. But becoming a CFO is not a matter of merit, it is simply a case of inheritance. In other words, it is much like a good old-fashioned monarchy. So in addition to being the CFO, I am now the Queen (minus the crown, of course).

Hmm – crown. Crown? Crown!! Time to make my next dental appointment. Please excuse me as I get back to my job.

Another busy day living the Jam Gen.