As the economy slowly, cautiously (we hope!) opens up and people emerge from their self-isolation cocoons, it’s interesting to see how life has changed radically for many of us over the past ten weeks. And yet, in other ways, not at all.

I look at my “COVID resolutions” made in mid March and note that I have only completed some of the items on my self-isolation “To Do” list. Yes, I have organized my Tupperware collection and cleaned out a few cupboards. Yes, I washed the curtains and slipcovers. My tax return was ready to file weeks before the deadline. But I did not organize/shred all the loose papers in my office, unpack the boxes of as yet unsorted items moved from my mother’s condo (sold a year ago) nor have I reorganized the laundry room to make better use of the space. My lack of self-discipline and motivation loom large every time I wander through my house.

In mid March I floated the idea that each member of our family keep a regular “COVID diary”. With minimal effort I even successfully persuaded my family to participate in this endeavour. My family members were initially enthusiastic, but their participation petered out within ten days. I kept it up a bit longer, but it has now been weeks since I made my last entry. It just became an additional stressor and indication of failure when I didn’t write regularly, so by now I have all but forgotten about it (except when I need something extra to feel guilty about).

In another vein, I told my family we would use our spare unstructured time to explore our city as “tourists at home” during the lockdown period. We got out exactly three times in the first ten days and then that fizzled out as well. In fairness, I cannot carry the entire blame for this abandoned initiative: early on, the parks were closed and people were told to stay home. So persisting in visiting the urban parks under those circumstances would have felt like we were not be doing our part in tamping down the spread of COVID in our community. I concluded we should do our civic duty and stay home. I am giving myself a gold star for this fail!

I thought that having my kids home would mean that they could get outside regularly for more exercise and might possibly spend less time on tech. Not the case. In fact, the lockdown only amplified my kids’ inherent traits more intensely: Son #1 continues to work hard on his schoolwork and self-directed activities. Son #2, um, not so much. Chasing him to practice his musical instrument hasn’t changed either. By now I have ruefully concluded that continuing the weekly music lessons via Zoom is mostly to offer financial support to his music teacher. To their credit, both boys cleaned up their rooms without being asked. Once.

I also envisioned that having the family home together under one roof would be a bonanza of family time, like Christmas vacation on steroids. I visualized long bouts of Monopoly and Pictionary, watching movies as a family, communal cooking and cleaning, and other joint activities. Turns out I was delusional on this point as well. The boys have mostly hung out in their rooms, emerging only to eat food that was prepared for them by The Boyfriend and cleaned up by me. Finding agreement on movies to watch has proven elusive and board games were blown off with dismissive waves of the hand. What was I thinking? I have two teenagers residing with me!

There are no excuses. I have most certainly had more time to spare to do these things without having to drive my kids to activities, attend school events or meet friends for coffee. I could have asserted more of my mom authority. But old habits die hard. So do inborn personality traits. I forever and always wish I had more time to indulge in pleasures like reading and doing crossword puzzles, but that hasn’t materialized either. Instead I have participated in a series of work-related webinars and signed up for an online continuing education course in a new subject area – after all, I have to have something to show for all this extra time at home! Living in the moment seems to be a mindset I continuously struggle to acquire. Hence all the drinking. …

Along the way there have been some changes for the better. The Boyfriend and I have been forced to become more tech savvy, mostly through self-acquired skills – with intermittent help from his employer’s IT support and my kids. We have saved unexpected money on coffees out, meals out and events out. In fact, we have received numerous refunds for cancelled camps, school services not received and live shows not seen. Gas expenditures have been way down, ironically at a time when gas prices meant filling up was almost a treat. Instead of spending money on a summer trip, the funds will likely go to improving the house and cottage this year.

So, when all is said and done, I am reluctantly forced to conclude that, in my household at least, not much has fundamentally changed. The road to hell and all that, but life goes on. And I count my blessings – at least my family members are still on speaking terms with one another. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. …