When the expected finally happened, it was totally unexpected … and I was totally unprepared.

Son #1 arrived home from school. He asked if the Boyfriend (his step-dad) was home and said he had something to tell us. I replied in the affirmative and watched anxiously as he took off his boots while wondering what the momentous announcement would be. We walked together into the dining room, where the Boyfriend was working. And then Son #1 said four simple words, “I have a girlfriend”.

We asked her name. We asked how long this had been going on (in politer terms). I asked if he had done the asking or if she had – this is the 21^st century after all and anything is possible. I hugged my “sweet sixteen” son. Then he stated matter of factly, “Well, that’s done” and walked upstairs to his bedroom, leaving behind a shaken and stirred mother.

The Boyfriend and I debriefed briefly. The Boyfriend said he’d had a feeling. I said the name of the girl was familiar and had been floating around for a while now, so not entirely unexpected that this was THE ONE.

I went to my home office to nurse my disbelief and denial. I pretended to work, but my head spun with questions. Bedroom or basement? Both? Neither? Door open or closed? Both? Neither? What about sexting? Definitely neither on that one! I texted my sister in order to share the news and spread the fear. …

But then the worry started to set in. Son #1 is a very private person. Letting this young woman in was unusual and left him vulnerable. On one hand it was good that he was taking the emotional risk, but what if she broke his heart? Or what if he ended the relationship prematurely so that she couldn’t break his heart? What if, what if. … ?

Then my Human Resources training kicked in. These two shared classes at school. They worked closely together on several school-related extracurricular activities. What would happen if they broke up badly or one of them decided to date someone else? They would have to see each other and work together daily. They would have mutual friends and acquaintances. A “workplace” nightmare! Reputations would be ruined! Relationships would be strained!! Someone might end up losing their job!!! OK, OK, they are in school and can’t be fired, but still … I mused that perhaps they should work out their termination agreement in advance. After all, in Human Resources, the termination clause is often written into the hire letter.

I decided I needed a chill pill – I went to speak with the Boyfriend. He told me I was over-reacting and over-thinking the whole thing. Of course [I thought] he’s a man and was completely under-reacting. He told me to stop asking Son #1 so many questions and let things take their course. To his credit, he did discuss the bedroom vs basement conundrum with me.

I suggested that Son #1 invite his girlfriend over for lunch on the weekend so that we could meet her. She was available but hesitant. Yeah, well me too. I didn’t want to embarrass my son – would she see a dowdy middle-aged woman who wasn’t hip, thin and fashionable enough for her taste? Would she judge me for being a self-employed writer? Would she even notice or care? I decided that at the very least I needed to polish my old boots and de-pill my wool jacket before stepping out to meet her.

The relationship lasted a grand total of six weeks before he ended it. But it’s early days yet and just the beginning of a new journey – for him and for me. Son #1 is navigating his love life and I am learning my new role as Mother-of-the-Boyfriend. I suspect we both have a lot to learn and likely some heartache ahead. Wish us luck!

NOTE: An edited version of this essay was published in in the July 2020 edition of Neighbours of Windfields magazine. Click here to read it.