My father arrived in Canada in January 1957. He had been offered a two-year contract, working for a company in St. John’s, Newfoundland that was affiliated with his German employer. He always joked that his German company must have forgotten about him, as they never came looking for him. What was supposed to be a short-term adventure working temporarily in a new country and learning English turned into decades of living in and loving his adopted homeland (he and my mother eventually became Canadian citizens). The following excerpt from Dad’s life story describes his first visit back to Germany, another fateful trip, after almost four years of being away from his family.
I was quite excited to go home and see everybody again, especially my parents, after an absence of nearly four years. Since officially I was still an employee of my German employer, I went to see my former colleagues after Christmas, curious to see who was still there and what had happened during my absence. Of course, there was a big hello, and everyone wanted to know what I was doing, how life in Canada was and if I was back to stay.
After catching up with various male colleagues, a young woman named Elfi, whom I had known and been interested in from before my departure for Canada, appeared. She told me that she had been promoted to the role of private secretary to the division’s director and now had her own office – a significant achievement in the days of the “steno pool.” She invited me to join her for a cup of coffee in her office and tell her about my life in Canada. I was surprised to see her because I had expected she would be married and possibly even a mother by now.
Before I followed her to her office, I made some inquiries and found out that during the previous year she had broken off with the relationship with her long-time boyfriend, much to her parents’ chagrin. As a consequence, her father had kicked her out of the parental home, and she was now living independently in a rented room. Learning of her changed circumstances, my interest returned immediately. While conversing with Elfi in her office, I invited her out to share a bottle of wine some evening or to celebrate New Year’s Eve together. She already had plans for New Year’s but accepted my offer for a date early in January.
We took a shine to each other and hit it off really well, so I started harbouring certain ideas in my head… As my vacation time was coming to a rapid end, I decided to stay an extra week and advised my boss by telegram. He was not very pleased with my decision, as I found out when I returned and he gave me quite a tongue lashing. But after he met Elfi, he could understand my decision.
In the meantime, I took Elfi home to meet my parents. Then, about 4 or 5 days before I had to leave, I asked her if she could meet me downtown the next afternoon: I had come to a decision and when we met, I popped the question. To my great joy, she agreed to my proposal without hesitation. I suggested that we find a jewellery store, so I could buy the wedding rings. After we accomplished that, we went to my parents’ home together and broke the news to them. They did not appear overly surprised and welcomed Elfi into the family.
Following that, Elfi went to her parents’ home to inform them of her engagement. They, by contrast, were less then enthused about it. When she asked them if they wanted to meet me, her father said he had no intention to do so. He also told Elfi’s mother if she wanted to meet me, it was not to be in the family’s apartment. Needless to say, Elfi was heartbroken by her father’s reaction, but not surprised by it.
Within my family, the news of my engagement spread like wildfire and my parents made arrangements to hold a celebration in their apartment the following evening. It was attended by every aunt, uncle and cousin living nearby. A good time was had by all, including Elfi and myself.
The next day Elfi somehow connected with her mother and got her to agree to meet with us that afternoon in the family’s apartment. After some polite opening courtesies, her mother came right to the point and asked me some very direct questions, including:
– Do you know that my daughter had a boyfriend for 4 or 5 years?
– Do you know that my daughter smokes?
– Do you know that my daughter can’t handle money?
To the first two I replied in the affirmative. To the other I either had no reply or possibly said that I was not worried about the situation. Elfi’s mother obviously was hoping I would either change my mind or else she wanted me to at least be aware of what I was getting into.
A couple of days later I returned to Canada, with the understanding that Elfi would apply for an immigrant’s visa to Canada, with me acting as her sponsor in order to speed things up. We had decided to get married in Canada, because her father would have prevented all her family members from attending the wedding. Under those circumstances, it would have been a sad rather then joyous day for both of us.
After my return to Canada, Elfi would occasionally visit my parents. During one of her visits they suggested that she could move in with them, since my room was empty and she could save some money by not having to pay rent. She accepted the offer and moved in with them in early March. Around late May or early June she received her visa.
On June 25, 1961, the long awaited arrival of my beloved finally occurred. I flew to Gander to meet her and we flew back to St. John’s together. After her arrival, Elfi told me that when she visited her parents to say goodbye, her father told her that if things did not work out for her in Canada, she should not to be too proud to call and tell him. He said that he would then send her the money or a ticket so she could return home. I thought, after having put her through some hard times, he suddenly let his love for her shine through and became conciliatory.
Postscript: My parents became engaged on January 30, 1961, after less than a month of dating. They were married in St. John’s, Newfoundland on July 12, 1961. My father’s boss gave away the bride. My father did not meet his father-in-law until January 1963. By that time, my two sets of grandparents had gotten to know each other and socialized regularly.
Lovely and heartwarming story Marina!!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Carole. Glad you enjoyed it!
What a lovely recounting of your parents’ meeting and subsequent start to s life together!
Such a treasure to have those words from the past to draw on.
Thank you for sharing! Warmest Christmas wishes to you and your family 💕
Yes, I am increasingly grateful for my father’s recounting of his life. Wish I had paid better attention and asked him more questions while he was still alive… Keep writing your stories for your family. Merry Christmas to you and your family, Pam!
Lovely story…resonates with me on many levels. Our family arrived in Canada in Feb. 1957.
I’m sure your family’s story is also interesting – would love to hear it sometime, Johanna.
So nice to hear this story. Tom and I were only 20 and 21 when we married and sailed away to Canada in 1957. I can’t believe how brave we were. At that age however love was all we needed.
I was so homesick but we had to find work and it didn’t take long before we established ourselves here. Youth conquers all!
Youth and love conquer all! My parents were a bit older than you and Tom, but all of you made it work and carved out new lives for yourselves. That takes a special kind of courage, but here you are!
I love that story! They just knew they were meant to be together! ❤️❤️
You make it sound like something out of a movie, Jane! 🙂 And there is no doubt in my mind that my father loved my mother deeply until the day that he died.
Great story. Thanks for sharing. You never know what life has in store for you. Their love story lifted my spirits. Merry Christmas!
Happy to hear my parents’ story lifted your spirits, Anka! Merry Christmas to you and Alex.
What a great story. They knew what they wanted and they went for it.
Astute observation, Monica. My mother once remarked to me that they didn’t really get to know each other until after they got married!
Love this! Xoxo
Glad you enjoyed it, Jane!
What a beautiful and uplifting story, Marina! I loved seeing the pictures and reading of your parents Journey – wow! Thanks so much for sharing!
Glad you enjoyed the story, Lisa.Thank you for reading and commenting.
Marina— I enjoyed reading this article about your parents. What a romantic story of their union. Now I have some context for remembering how your mom always looked so put together at the Kiwanis Music Festivals. Great memories- thanks for sharing
Thanks for reading, Kathy. Interesting memory of my mother. 🙂 You hit it spot on – she was always very interested in her appearance and dressing well. In part I think was a reaction to how her parents expected her to dress when she was a child, which is another story in itself…
A lovely story of how your parents started their life together. The family resemblance shows through.
Thanks for your kind and generous reflection, Heather.
It’s a beautiful story, Marina. They were so brave and did what they had to do to make a life together.
Bravo ❤
Thanks, Jane. I think my parents were “meant to be,” but I suspect my grandfather’s actions were a contributing factor to my mother’s decision to leave Germany…
Thanks for sharing this lovely story Marina. Families are fascinating. You’ve clearly inherited your father’s love of writing. Keep it up!
Thanks belatedly for your kind and thoughtful comment, Kathy! My fahter’s writing was a “retirement project” – I know if he were still with us today, he’d be telling me to get a “real” job!!