In 2013 I returned to my career after almost ten years of being home with my children. Six weeks later, I left my husband of seventeen years and took the kids with me.
It was a tough time. In the ten years I had been home, online technology had advanced significantly – there were new applications to learn and social media to navigate. I moved from the not-for-profit to the private sector. I changed from community healthcare to the mining industry. The learning curve felt pretty much vertical, and the first year on the job was an endless fog of new experiences and mastering new skills. Fortunately, my co-workers and boss were understanding and supportive in helping me become a productive employee.
My parents were understanding and supportive of my situation as well. They welcomed me and my children, then aged nine and six, into their home. But five of us living in a two-bedroom condominium was only a short-term solution – it wasn’t fair to my parents or my kids. I had to find another place to live.
That’s where my friend Dee came in and rescued us. She had a spacious house with bedrooms to spare. Her twenty-something daughter had left home and was busy carving out her own life. Dee opened her heart and her home to the three of us.
It couldn’t have been an easy adjustment for her to suddenly have two little boys around after having raised an only daughter. The boys were loud and rambunctious at times. There were LEGOs constantly underfoot. Their soccer ball was accidentally rolled over the seedlings in her garden. A key on her baby grand piano got stuck after my kids practiced for their music lessons on it. Lights were left on in the basement and messes were left in the kitchen. We woke her early every morning as we thundered out of the house to work and school. I’m sure there were times when she questioned her generosity, if not her sanity.
Somehow we made it work and she was extremely gracious, but I expect she was relieved to see us depart after six months of togetherness. I couldn’t blame her – she had been more than patient and kind. For my part, I needed a place where I didn’t have to worry constantly about what mischief my kids might get into next. I found my family a wonderful three-bedroom apartment to rent. After thanking Dee profusely, we took our LEGOs and left.
Living alone presented a new problem – I didn’t have an adult to back me up if I had to work late or leave the house for a quick errand. I hired a part-time nanny, but that was only a partial solution. That’s where my “mom network” came in. These were the women who took my kids home after school and sometimes ended up feeding them dinner when I couldn’t pick them up on time. These were the women who offered to take my kids out on a Saturday afternoon in order to give me a couple of precious hours to myself. And these were the women who gave me a shoulder to rest (and sometimes cry) on.
Along the way, I gravitated toward new mom friends who were also going through divorce or had chosen to single parent in the first place. We shared information and resources. We listened to each other and helped each other out. And on the bad days we picked each other up.
Getting my children and me through those challenging times was a group effort. I could not have succeeded – and ultimately thrived – had it not been for all the amazingly supportive women in my life. For this incredible village of support, I remain eternally grateful all these years later.
