When my children were younger, they were frequently ill with colds. One son got it down to a fine science – sniffles, asthmatic coughing, ear infection, doctor visit, recovery. Regular like clockwork, every two weeks from fall to spring. And, of course, my two week cycle was synced up precisely four days behind his so just as I was feeling better, he was getting ill again.

It was through this intensive exposure to being sick with colds that I came to appreciate the benefits of suffering through the sniffles, watery eyes, aches and general malaise. The fact is colds are great! In fact, I wish I would get them more often. Here’s why:

1. I lose my appetite. This means I usually lose some weight while I am sick with a cold. There is nothing like feeling sick and svelte all at the same time;
2. I get left alone. No one wants to be near someone who is producing disgusting greenish goo from their nose and intermittently projecting droplets of said goo through the air. It’s like you have an invisible repulsion bubble around you at all times. May The Force be with you;
3. I can say I’m sick, instead of tired, for a change when I don’t feel up to doing my fifth load of laundry that day. I’m sure my kids can go without clean underwear another day. They certainly won’t be the ones who mind – and I can’t smell anything anyway. So only other people will notice;
4. I can’t tell whether the kids forgot to flush the toilet again or not. Oblivion is bliss. Until I lift up the seat of the toilet and get a visual, of course. Perhaps colds could be optimized by including some sort of temporary visual impairment as well;
5. I can legitimately take a nap without feeling guilty about it. After all, sleeping is how the body heals itself, right?
6. For once I get a pass on singing my kids the usual songs at bedtime. Who wants to hear a frog croak Brahms’ lullaby? Except, of course, when it becomes a novelty and I get asked for encores while they giggle away;
7. My hearing diminishes (further). My powers of concentration go way up. What did you say?
8. The gorgeous cold sore blooming on my upper lip draws the eye away from my rheumy eyes. And my wrinkles. Not need for Botox when you have a cold. Plus point #2, of course;
9. Coughing day and especially night makes me appreciate how well my lungs normally work;
10. I can finally use up the tissues in the tissue box that doesn’t match the decor in the bathroom;

And the extra bonus of having a cold? Having a shiny red nose like Rudolph puts me in the Christmas spirit early and gets me psyched to start my Christmas shopping as soon as possible. But only after I’ve taken my son to the doctor, taken a nap, and replaced the tissue box in the bathroom.

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